Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
