someone threw a dead crab at me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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