two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
where am i from again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
