im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
