I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
