like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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