Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
