my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
