she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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