A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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