We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
