i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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