Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
