Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
