I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
