we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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