I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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