Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just google imaged poop.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
