you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
