I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
