I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
