I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
