My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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