I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize