I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
