My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
