So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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