Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
