I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So. Much. Porn.
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