Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
