she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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