and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
