They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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