Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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