don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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