Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
