id be glad to
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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