Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
