his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
