i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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