sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
