She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
