I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
