I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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