Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
