i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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