no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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