it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize