i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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