There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize