could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
