I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
