you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
