I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
