A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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