i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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