Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
