I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
