does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
