You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
