i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
40s are totally the cure
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
