508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I forget how to act sober
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