why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
