What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
