i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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