You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
