Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
