she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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