Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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