even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
