I think I died a long time ago.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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