i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
