So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ttyl tear gas
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
