Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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