Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
