im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
