I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
