He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
